Stop “Should-ing” Yourself
In high school I basically pumped my body full of fried foods and didn’t think twice about it. I never said “no” to ice cream. I went out with friends every week and ate anything and everything in site. I never thought about my body weight, which was great, but I also didn’t think about my overall health. I‘m talkin’ I wouldn’t eat a vegetable unless my mom forced me to eat 1 piece of broccoli at the dinner table before leaving. (Yes... even at age 17.)
17 year old me. Precious.
As college approached, I went from never thinking about what I ate to developing crippling anxiety about “freshman 15.” Having 0 healthy eating habits at the time, I felt strongly that before I went away to live on my own I needed to figure it out. I was scared. I didn’t know how to eat healthy. I didn’t even know what that would look like.
I was slowly becoming aware of my eating habits for all the wrong reasons. I wasn’t thinking about the nutrients my body needed, but the FEAR of gaining weight and the lie I associated with it: weight gain would make me unloveable. I started to tell myself all the things I should do instead of listening to my body and what it needed.
The summer before college when I started to put pressure on myself for all the things I “should” be doing.
It clouded my brain. I started to become hyper aware of what I was putting into my mouth. I had calories memorized for EVERYTHING. I ditched the ice cream and ALL the foods I loved so much.
I don’t like to share photos during this time because I was so unhappy and not myself, but for the sake of the story I’m sharing this here.
I had an obsession of segregating “good” and “bad” foods paired with EXTREME guilt after eating anything I labeled “bad.” The guilt and anxiety made me miserable. I was ashamed. I felt even more unloved than what I imagined the “freshman 15” would feel like. I felt like I had no control over my eating habits. My eating habits controlled me.
I knew I needed real help by mid-freshman year, and I’m lucky to say with the help of my family, friends and counseling I was able to find intuitive eating and remove the extreme guilt, shame and anxiety food labeling brought into my life.
If you were to ask ANYONE that knows me today they would tell you I‘m an intuitive eater and PROUD of it. I eat snacks ALL. THE. TIME. And I enjoy eating healthy things to fuel my body because it soothes food anxiety for me. My bff Aubrie (who road trips with me and helps me with video work) jokes that I’m always munchin! I eat at least 3 big meals a day. I snack on fries. And yes, I eat ice cream OFTEN!
I wouldn’t have the healthy relationship I have today with food if it weren’t for healthy options that removed my “good” and “bad” labels and helped me refocus on nutrients and fueling my body.
If you follow me, you already know about my obsession for Halo Top. I’ve posted “ads” for them before we even worked together.
When I had the chance to talk to marketing at Halo Top, I CRIED to them over the phone. Yup. Straight up tears. They explained that they wanted others to free themselves from the guilt and shame and to help others stop putting so much pressure on themselves. I couldn’t help but cry as I told them that was exactly what they did for me. I’m so proud to be apart of their “Stop should-ing yourself” campaign. (Isn’t that the funniest name? Yes they are aware it sounds like the other thing because they are cheeky like that.) It’s everything I believe in.
